Conflict

There are just those days where people who have no fucking idea what they're talking about make comments that couldn't be farther from the truth.

I want to kill my boss. Literally. I could drive to NYC right now and mutilate her body with my bare hands and feel absolutely no regret or remorse. I'd feel rather pleased with myself, I think.

I was just thinking to myself yesterday that she may be impossible to work for, since she's probably the dumbest, most ignorant motherfucker on the planet, but that she's probably a very nice person.

Now I hope she gets mangled on her way home today. 

Then again, maybe she's right. Maybe I don't care. Maybe I just hate myself and subject myself to a dead-end job for the sheer pleasure of making myself miserable.

Either way, I hope something horrible happens to her. She's a remarkably shallow piece of shit and deserves a remarkably shallow grave.

An Encounter With the Feral Inspires a Message to Civilization.

You're going to think that I'm crazy. You're going to say that my eyes deceive me, that my mind was playing tricks on me. But I know what my eyes saw, if only for a few seconds...

Driving through the suburb of North Greenbush today, 4 North American Grey Wolves ran across the road in front of my car (only 15 feet or so in front of me) into a dense wooded area. It is possible that they were coyotes, I suppose - I guess I must concede that. But I really think these were wolves. I've seen coyotes up close before, and never felt like this. I have been possessed by an incredibly primal, feral energy since I saw them - one that I've never felt before.

There is something inside of me now that is wild and unrestrained. These words ultimately fail to accurately describe what this is burning inside me, but I suspect the words for this don't exist. If they do, I don't know them. My spirit is possessed by that which is feral, animal... I am the embodiment of unrepentant love and unfulfilled hunger...

From that, I get this:

Your walls cannot hold  or restrain me. Your power can quell neither my spirit nor my voice. Your machines cannot tame me. Your disease, your sickness - your psychosis - cannot break me down. Your will can oppress me no longer.


I am the animal-man. I am the spirit of the feral and I will fear you no longer. Continue to push me, and I will destroy you.

Osama bin Laden as Teacher

Osama bin Laden is now dead, according to the always-trustworthy US government/military.  Well, let's now sing the fucking praises of the military and our wonderful country.

GOD BLESS AMERICA!
LAND OF THE FREE, HOME OF THE BRAVE!!
IN GOD WE TRUST, because GOD LOVES WAR!!!

The irrational and fanatical jingoism and false patriotism have been running rampant since the president confirmed that bin Laden was killed on Sunday, and it has just confirmed to me that our country is more fucked up than anyone really thinks. Yeah, the economy is bad; people are without jobs, without health care, without hope. But that's not even a half of it. The biggest problem here, as with anywhere, is how stupid and easily swayed by governmental propaganda these fucking people are.

Bin Laden is dead and we're fucking celebrating in the streets. 'An Obama victory! No, an American victory. A victory for the war on terror, and a victory for FREEDOM!!!'

Forget the fact that the raid on bin Laden's compound was a direct violation of Pakistan's national sovereignty. 'Those damned sand-niggers knew he was there! We should invade Pakistan now and teach them towelheads a lesson.'

Forget the fact that bin Laden should have been captured and taken before the International Criminal Court, and given an honest trial for his crimes. 'Motherfucker got what he deserved, Obama finally did the right thing. Can't call him soft on terrorism now!'

I get it. Bin Laden was responsible for the deaths of many people. But we STILL haven't heard the other side of the story. 'We heard his side. He screamed death to America, and wanted us all dead. End of story.'
Well, no, not really. That's only the end of the story for the feeble-minded. Yeah, he wanted to destroy America. But has anyone taken a second to listen to WHY he wanted to destroy America?Sadly, no.

Bin Laden may have been motivated in part by a perversion of Islamic doctrine. But he was also motivated by logic and reason. He and his people have watched as American military bases have become just part of the landscape of the Middle East, and really, of the whole world (especially in the third world). He has watched thousands of his own people die at the hands of America and its terrorist foreign policy. 9/11 was horrible, but guess what? It happens in the third world, and particularly in the Middle East (and even more particularly, in the occupied Palestinian territories) all the time. Innocent people have their lives destroyed everyday in Palestine, where the US-supported and -funded Israeli regime(s) continues to violate international law (and common sense and compassion) and encroach upon Palestinian territory with their settlements. What the US did in Fallujah was so obvious a terrorist attack that it can't even be comprehended by the mind... we go in, expel everyone except the military-age males, and level the city.  Bin Laden had every right to fight back. I'm not sure I agree with his methods, but fuck, if I lived over there, I'd be strapping the bomb to my chest too.

'We're the damned U.S. of A. We can do what we want, we're the world's only superpower. We've got the moral high-ground, we're the only country with the power to stop terrorism and to bring these suspect regimes to justice.'

Actually... no. Not even close. We forfeited the moral high-ground long ago. If you want to stop terrorism, stop engaging in it. The US created bin Laden. When he died, he actually did meet his maker. He may be dead now, but there are more where he came from. A lot more. What the fuck is it gonna take to make people realize this? It's fucking fact.

Maybe we need another 9/11. Fuck maybe we need 3, 4... 10 more, to make people stop in their tracks and re-evaluate, to make people think "What the hell are we doing wrong." They don't hate us because of our freedoms. They hate us for what we've done.

'Fuck that, I'm proud to be an American.'

Good for you, knuckle-dragger - when you die you can be buried in your wooden box with a flag wrapped around it. I hope it feels good. I'm not proud to be an American; in fact, I've never been more ashamed. You see, I have this ability to think reasonably and rationally; you apparently do not.

Look in the mirror, America. Look hard and long, because until you change your ways, the cycle continues. Stop these fucking illegal and unjust wars. Stop spreading your fucked up consumerist, capitalist, corporatist ideology. Get your boot off the throat of the third world.

Maybe then we can stop living in a culture of fear.

Until the Light Takes Me

 

I watched the black metal documentary Until the Light Takes Us last night, and I was captivated, absolutely stuck the the screen from the first second. Fenriz is an interesting enough guy; he's certainly seen a lot and been through a lot, both inside the black metal "scene" and out, but I was (not surprisingly) more interested in Burzum's Varg Vikernes. The first thing that struck me about him was the passion and intensity that he spoke with. I found him to be very intelligent, articulate and even friendly. This shouldn't really be a shock, I guess; no one has ever really contended that he's stupid.  It has been contended that he's maniacal, though, but I found that to be very far from the truth. Indeed, it's a limited window into his life and thought that we get to see, but I didn't even see a glimmer of the psychopathic tendencies that he supposedly harbors. You can often see that in someone's eyes, especially when they're as insane as many have portrayed Varg to be.

Vikernes has often been portrayed as a racist nazi-sympathizer or even a neo-nazi, and granted, this perception is something he is mostly responsible for. But it's also wholly inaccurate, at least in my final analysis. He may harbor some supremacist views, and if that is the case, that is deplorable. But I can't really find any direct evidence of that.  Two things are for sure: 1) he holds a positive view of his and his ancestors' (PAGAN) blood, religion, race, and culture, and 2) he holds an entirely negative view of Christianity and the Judeo-Christian culture. 

Indeed, everything else seems to spring from the latter. He talks, in the film, of the church burning which he was imprisoned for, and in my very honest opinion, totally justifies said action. Varg essentially says (I'm obviously paraphrasing, here): 'Christian civilization destroyed the ancient Pagan culture that was located right here on this land. It also destroyed ancient cultures in Africa, Asia, North America... To destroy its churches is my way of striking back, and I won't apologize for it.' What's striking here is the fact that Varg expresses empathy for the African, Asian, and Native American ways of life that were also taken by Christianity.

Black metal kiddies praise what Varg did because its so obviously kvlt. But fuck that. He didn't do it to gain kvlt points; he did it, as I said, to strike back a blow against the culture that destroyed an entire way of life for the glorification of its bastard god and prophet. I've personally never held any love or respect for Christianity, and my research over the years has led me to precisely the same condemnation as Varg. If you want to believe in and worship that god, fine. Whatever works for you. But the civilization created in your god's name has destroyed many peoples, many ways of life, and for that there is no justification. No salvation. No forgiveness.

Whatever your opinion of the church burning, or of Varg Vikernes himself, there is no denying that what he did was highly profound. I can only hope that when my life is over, I can look back on it and see something as poignant as that.

Victory

It occurred to me today that it's probably time for humanity to stand up and declare it's victory over nature. It's hit me before, on an intellectual level, that there is no reversing what we've done. But today, on a more emotional, intuitive level, I realized just what that means.

What was once the pillar of humanity's elegance has fallen. Instead of community working in concert with nature, we have Home Depot. Instead of rains falling to feed the Earth, we have dying oceans and crumbling ecosystems. Instead of newborns suckling their mothers, we have BPA-free plastic bottles.

Well, there's no BPA, so this plastic is ok! It won't kill your child directly, but it will destroy the planet! No problem!!!

It's universally accepted by astronomers that the planet is supposed to be in the midst of a cooling cycle, on the way toward another ice age, perhaps. But somehow, the planet is getting hotter. If that is not enough to convince us that we're royally screwed the pooch, then I don't know what will.

I was overcome by a profound sadness; not depression, but sublime, intense sadness for what we've managed to destroy in roughly 200,000 years. It's tough to believe, and tougher to accept, but I think that people are starting to become familiar with the idea of collapse, and just what it means. We've no choice.

What I have to focus on is getting past this compulsion to punch everyone I see in the face. That's probably not healthy.

Degradation

Sometimes it just baffles me how badly wrong we can be. People get so hung up on stupid separators like nationality, race, religion, blah blah blah. So some Muslims want to build a Community Center near "Ground Zero."

People say they oppose this because it's an insult to the fallen.

I think people have just forgotten what the word COMMUNITY means... or perhaps they never knew. I myself forget that we are born into a world where there is no community. The ways of nature have been removed from our collective consciousness. I had an interesting talk with Tricia a couple of weeks ago about how different humanity looks now, in terms of evolution, when compared to itself before the advent of surplus agriculture. She said that the differences would be negligible, but I don't think I can agree with that. Because something is clearly fucked up; the world is burning down, and we set the fire and continue to fan the flames. We've changed; we seem to be born with an innate acceptance of civilization, and an uncanny ability to tune out the destruction and devastation that it wreaks upon the natural world. We think that "humanity" and "nature" are opposed.

Maybe for good reason, I suppose. Maybe humans really aren't a part of nature anymore. Maybe we've let ourselves go.

Fuck ground zero. It's better where it is. I'm sorry those people died, and when I say "those people," I mean the people that were in the buildings as well as those that flew the planes. Ward Churchill was right in a sense, that chickens were coming home to roost. But they weren't America's chickens. They were civilization's chickens.

And it was likely only the beginning.

34

So I turned 34 today and looking back at my life so far, I feel like I haven't done shit. I don't need to "have" anything to show for my 34 years; that misses the point, because I've got my two beautiful kids, along with a third on the way, and I'm pretty damn proud of them. But what the fuck am I doing? What the fuck have I done? I've lived roughly half of my life, if I make it to the average American male expectancy, and I haven't done much.

Not sure what I'm looking for here, but I can't look back without acknowledging some tremendous mistakes, as well as a few moments of sublime clarity.

I live a fairly good life I guess, but considering it's half over, it doesn't feel like enough. And the worst part is that I don't know what to do differently.

Weather the storm, ride it out. Blah blah fucking blah. Slow transcending agony.