The Road

I finally got to see "The Road." As expected, it was an awe-inspiring piece of cinematic brilliance. I knew that it was not a happy go lucky comedy, but it was quite possibly the saddest, bleakest movie I've ever seen, and I've seen quite a few. The colors that dominate the film are grey and black; the sun is gone for all intents and purposes - this is not surprising for a post-apocalyptic tale of survival, but in my opinion, there is no way to prepare yourself for the sympathy and sadness this can produce if all else is done well. And in this movie, everything is just about perfect.

Get off of your ass and go see this film while you still can; and yes, there is more than sadness to be witnessed here - the underlying theme is one of unconditional love, hope, and struggle in the face of literally insurmountable odds.

What I must now do is get to reading the book.

Meals

"What's for dinner?" he said.

"Fear," she replied.

"Well, then what's for dessert?"

"A healthy serving of escapism."

He ate. He said, "This isn't going down so well - what's causing all this indigestion?"

"The belief," she said, "that you can follow one with the other and somehow survive."

Panopticon interview

My interview with Panopticon's Austin Lundr is posted over at Hammer Smashed Sound.

Fear and Longing

Someone hacked into my Paypal account and paid 55 Euros (of my money) to a German online gaming service... or some such shit. Luckily, I caught it as it happened and was able to protect myself and my fragile, feeble financial assets from further harm... I hope. As it happened I immediately went into panic mode, which is not usually a productive place for me to be, but today it worked, and I guess there's no arguing with results.

I'd like to say that it's out of my mind; I'll get my 81 dollars back when PayPal's investigation is complete and they realize that I never authorized such a transaction. It's not out of my mind though; fear lingers, and I wonder how vulnerable myself and my family are to such intrusions.



Thankfully, though, my copy of Fauna's "The Hunt" CD arrived in the mail today, and I think it's about time for me to crack a beer and drift away into a spiritual realm of enormously moving blackmetal... that always makes me long for Minnewaska. Keep telling myself I can wait for Tuesday, but I always long for Gertrude's Nose, especially in Winter... my spiritual home to which I shall return once again.

I might also mention, though, that I'm apparently taking this semester off from grad school. There are positive and negative ramifications for this maneuver, but I think in the grand scheme this should prove to be a wise move. I'm going to spend the time enjoying my wee ones, reconnecting and communing with nature, and working on some other ventures that for now will remain hush-hush.

What will not remain hush-hush is my excitement for this. Will surely be awesome, and now that I won't be taking any classes for a while, I can train for this monumental day. I wish I wasn't so psyched for it, but honestly, I can't wait.

Winter Clarity...

Walking through the fresh fallen snows tonight, with Paysage d'Hiver as a trusted companion, a lot of things began to make a fair amount of sense. That, or things became infinitely muddier...

I admit to harboring fairly misanthropic tendencies, and to being highly cynical at times; I don't feel particularly comfortable around people I don't know; most nights, I'd rather stay in than go out and actually do something, unless that "something" is going to a show; as a general rule, I don't trust people, even when I know I should; and finally, as I watch humanity destroy all that is sacred to me, I am deeply doubtful that we (as in the human race) will be able to "return" to our roots, to nature. I want to believe it, and I even see and feel hints in the air that suggest that it may not be too late to save ourselves and our planet from an untimely demise... I want to, so badly, but it's more than difficult - it seems to betray my better judgment.

Somehow, though, I also believe strongly in the redemptive capacities of man; we are animals after all, and while some might claim that placing "redemptive capacities" in the realm of animal characteristics is overstepping the boundaries of human knowledge, foresight, and consciousness, I know better. I've seen it with my own three eyes more times than can be accurately counted. I'm centered enough to know - to remember - that anything with the tiniest degree of self-consciousness has the moral capacity to be redeemed.



Perhaps my mind is clear because the Winter season is finally upon us; anyone who knows me knows that I am fully alive and at the height of my being in the Winter. Sure, I'm prone to depression, but not in the Winter, as many sadly are. There is simply too much beauty to feel sad now. The fresh coldness of the air is sweet upon my tongue, the snow soothing and reassuring to my spirit, the bitter winds a sometimes harsh reminder that no matter what we have to endure on daily basis, we are alive, and in our selves and our souls we are free. In that freedom we are kind, giving, and essentially good, and while I may not always choose to remember that, there is something to be said for plastering that on the filthy walls of civilization in order to remind our brethren that there is no need to dominate and destroy the sacredness of the natural world that we inhabit. We need only touch our inner being, in concert with a oneness with Life, to see that we, in our actions but not necessarily our selves, have gone wrong. If we simply look around and act upon our spiritual instincts, we can find our way once again.

Something tells me that we are doomed, but the more people perceive this impending doom, the greater the potential for redemption and salvation. I don't need some bankrupt belief in god to tell me that.